I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
