And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize