Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
