we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
