she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
