Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I will pee on everything he values.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
