Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
