god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize