we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
