Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
