I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
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Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
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When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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