i just wanna soil my oats bro
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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