i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
