I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
