How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
