Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
