I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
being pregnant is like rehab
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
