We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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