i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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