Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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