I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
