Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Randomize
