You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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