sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
