Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
