I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
don't judge my taste in strippers
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
