i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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