we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
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WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
home. puking in laundry basket.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to coat check the pizza.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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