I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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