She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
