Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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