Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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