Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
