my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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