Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
