Acid is not a monday night drug
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
