I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
