Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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