Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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