I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
