I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
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