If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
