they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
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