If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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