i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
