ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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