I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
