What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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