jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
