i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
