if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
