Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
