Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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