people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
