Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
