Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
