I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
