Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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