Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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