i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
