I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
