there's paper in my vomit.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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