i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
