I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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