I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
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Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
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Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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