honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
