You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
