one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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