i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
