hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
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