I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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