why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Randomize
